Deciding One's Own Life

Deciding on one's life is one of the most valuable privileges, yet it becomes one of the most challenging when doubt leads us into the paralysis of indefiniteness. Sometimes, we get dizzy evaluating alternatives or trying to choose the correct option. But… what is truly important when making a decision? On what basis should we make decisions that benefit our personal growth?

It's also clear that making mistakes and regretting decisions is part of living a life where you are the protagonist.

Not all decisions carry the same weight. There are inconsequential or trivial decisions that don't have much impact on our lives, and there are others that mark a before and after, crucial ones that can lead us down very different paths without knowing in advance what the landscape will look like after opening one door and not another.

We might be torn between choosing to paint a room in light or dark colours, wearing a skirt or trousers, or going by car or bus… our life won't be significantly impacted by one choice over the other, so there's not much to worry about. But what happens when we're debating whether to leave a job, continue a long-term relationship or end it, or stay in our country or move abroad?

In times of uncertainty or when life presents us with a fork in the road, deciding is a complex process. We can become paralysed by an endless list of pros and cons, dizzy from the vast array of opinions others give us, or blocked by anxiety that prevents us from thinking clearly.

When facing tough decisions, rather than focusing on the alternatives we're struggling to choose between, we need to take a step back and concentrate on the essence of the decision itself. We need to forget about here or there, leaving or staying, light or dark, and consider a more psychological or philosophical sense of deciding. Confidence in the decision should be based on personal parameters deemed valid rather than achieving results that might be lucky, random, or beyond our control. Let's see what aspects we should consider…

Four Considerations for Making Decisions:

Mistakes are part of the journey:

Making mistakes is not only not severe but necessary for a fulfilling life. Those who have never made mistakes have never risked enough to feel their life intensely. Navigating uncertainty and embracing challenges allows us to grow with each experience, explore, learn, and cultivate aspects of our personality we were unaware of. Uncertainty also helps us feel appreciation, surprise, pride, joy, humility, inspiration, and all the other things that make life exciting and satisfying. There's no way to guarantee we won't make poor decisions or have regrets… because even by going through life "lukewarmly," we run a tremendous risk: living a dull, mechanised, and flavourless life.

Let your values guide you, not fear:

Often, we are driven by the fear of what might go wrong. What if I regret it later? What if I get bored? What if I waste time? What if I waste my money? What if it's different from what I expect? The fear factors that weigh on the decision-making process are endless. If fear guides our decisions, we'll be stranded by fear of making a misstep and stepping on a minefield.

Instead of deciding based on the fears we wish to avoid, let's do so based on the values we want to advance toward. Values are general principles that guide our lives, and the good thing is we can choose them. Integrity, stability, freedom, prestige, courage, peace, honesty, responsibility… and the list could continue indefinitely. We need to ask ourselves internally, What do I value most? What is essential to cultivate in my life? How do I want to feel? There are no correct or incorrect answers here. The more our decisions are aligned with our values, the better we will think about who we are from moment to moment.

Emotion or Reason?

We often hear sayings like "Think with your head" or "Follow your heart." In truth, when it comes to making decisions, we need to learn to "feel what we think and think what we feel." We make more balanced decisions in the mix between the mind and the heart. We don't have to choose between reason and emotion; they are not opposites. On the contrary, they need and complement each other, providing valuable and relevant information.

With our rational mind, we can make endless lists of pros and cons, establishing factors to consider in our decision-making process. Suppose we're trying to decide whether to stay with our current partner or leave the relationship. We can list that they are intelligent, interesting, attractive, patient but somewhat selfish, disorganised, unpredictable, and unstable… Now, consult your values... what's more necessary on your scale of values: intelligence or stability, attraction or generosity?

However, remember that your emotional mind also plays an essential role in defining. If your balance of pros and cons leans towards staying in your relationship "because it makes sense, because it's right," but you feel a great weight or disappointment when you reach this conclusion... take note. Your emotional side might have important information behind all your rational guesses. Perhaps one of the cons secretly holds more value than you think.

Reward Yourself for the Experience Gained and Lessons Learned

Of course, trusting oneself is not like turning on a tap when it comes to making a decision. Self-trust is something we must cultivate over time. So, start by feeling compassion for yourself. Doubting is not bad; on the contrary, it can be a sign of wisdom and consideration. We grow a lot when we dare to navigate the unpredictable, regardless of the outcomes we obtain. Therefore, celebrate every problematic decision made and every opportunity for growth and improvement. Even if you regret your decision because you learned new information about how the untraveled road might have been better, still celebrate. You've learned lessons, acquired skills, and resilience. You've added a scar of which to be proud, as you've dared to live your life intensely and in coherence with what you thought and felt was the best option for you.

Feeling confused, doubting, hesitating, and not knowing which decision to take indicates living a felt, conscious, reflective life and taking oneself as the main protagonist. Whoever never doubts is not due to stoic security but to a disconnection from how one wishes to navigate one's life and what experiences one wishes to expose oneself to to evolve one's consciousness.

Celebrate every decision you make! You're shaping your life just as an artist does with their sculpture, drawing some lines, not others.