When What Used to Be Is No Longer

Sometimes, the life we've been living changes its conditions, and what was or had been planned no longer finds a stage to manifest itself. It might be hard for us to realise this reality, and we may end up insisting too much or wrestling with reality to impose our conditions.

However, life shows us that it's bigger than us, with infinite variables that transcend our will and impose themselves. Sometimes with a harshness that seems merciless... there might be a heart-wrenching loss, an unwanted separation, a difficult diagnosis, or a project that collapses despite our efforts to keep it afloat against all odds.

When is it time to double down on our efforts, and when is acceptance, shuffling, and dealing again the best option?

I believe we definitely have to tell life what we want and go for it, doing the "enough" within our reach. And I emphasise the word "enough" to set limits on persistence that can become obstinacy. It's not about doing "everything" within our reach because that "everything" can be endless and exhausting. Doing enough and letting life do its part is the most thoughtful and organic approach. That's why we must be careful to recognize the limit between what we want and going for it, but also open and willing to tune in to what life wants, even if it's not what we desire.

This is not a defeatist or loser attitude... instead, it's about realising that no mysterious force operates against us but that we are mere "drops" in a vast ocean that encompasses us and cannot be bent to our will. Therefore, when the rules of the game change, we cannot continue insisting on the same cards. We need to shuffle and deal again, whether or not we agree with what we have to go through whether it seems fair or unfair. Accepting our circumstances is not agreeing but "ceasing to deny what is" and using our energies in a beneficial and profitable direction: building alternatives to a first possibility that did not turn out to be. This applies primarily to life projects that need to be rethought or reformulated. For this, we need to banish a belief that often holds us back too much in what cannot be: "There is only one way to feel happy with my life: the one I have planned, if not everything is wrong." This is a mistaken notion since feeling happy does not go hand in hand with achieving the "that" we long for. Although achieving something can give us short-term satisfaction, that feeling fades, giving way to a new need. Therefore, feeling comfortable with our life or what we often call happiness is more like a state of inner serenity that arises from our ability to embrace our circumstances and do our best with what is happening. Being attentive to finding a healthy balance between what life offers us and the cards we are playing, without daring to impose our rules, so as not to exhaust ourselves unnecessarily or suffer too much in the face of the inevitable or what cannot be rushed.

Asking ourselves in which areas of our life we're performing poorly and where we're pushing too hard helps us discern when it is time to be more flexible and when it is necessary to make more efforts to feel at peace with what we are giving and doing and in coherence with what life is presenting us at any time.